It has been a rough week for myself and Piseth, we have some outside issues with family that we would love to help out with, but have become very stressed in dealing with things.
So thoughts begin to run through my head.
Midnight, the time of the night my mind finally begins to move, but then its too tired to do anything about it, so I let my thoughts bleed into the next day. I am going to push myself a bit tonight to get somethings out.
Growing up is a horrible process at times, pain physically, mentally, and emotionally can really take a toll on one’s body. However, it is necessary, and so many lessons can be learned from experience in growing. It is sad how others can’t seem to learn from others mistakes.
I have learned a much better concept of humility. I look back on my life 5, 10, years ago, and ask myself, where the F have I gone? I have done a good amount, and may be better of than others. However, I expect a lot out of myself. I have learned to be down on myself, but not lay down and cry about it. Crying about it only seems to make it worse, and there becomes a large portion of time that gets wasted.
I reminisce on old times, and wish things were better off now, but that won’t stop me from pushing. Yes, I am ashamed of myself for things that have happened personally, professionally, between friends, between family, and others, but I also know that with a solid heart karma does tend to reward.
I see the rest of the world going to the shitter soon. Evidently there is a generation of young adults beginning to grow, as well as their elders that have become so desensitized, morality is a small factor in their lives. I hate seeing that, greed, gluttony, and other sins, or garbage they take part in is absolutely appalling.
From money, to simply dealing with a significant other, being generous and caring takes a back seat to what people/kids see in music videos, and it is sad.
Superficiality, and lust for personal wealth is damaging society, and like all great empires, nations and governments. I am sure we will all end up blowing each other up. There is seemingly no remorse, or self reflection on people’s actions anymore, and if there is some sort of reflection, then laziness takes presidence over rectifying a situation properly.
I write this blog out, and sometimes tend to forget this is my blog. I feel like at times that i write about myself so much, that it becomes irrelevant and boring. However, to also let out feelings is necessary, especially if people care to read and reflect.
For me, looking at myself now, I have expected alot more out of myself from when i look at myself in the past. It bothers me to know that it has taken me so long to just get back up, then it has to fly, but I come to an understanding that its all part of a journey. Someone upstairs wanted me to taste the bottom, before hopefully reaching the top, and I don’t mean just financially, or materialistically. Those 2 factors may be mixed within my goals, but are not the end results that I am hoping to accomplish.
I can almost tear up talking about this, and saying it a million times over, I wish i could help everyone else around me, especially friends and family, and especially when I see things getting hard for them. It makes me sick to my stomach and stresses the living daylights out of me, but I have also been told I am not superman. A line I hear over and over.
So all I can do is learn from the past, don’t dwell in it, don’t cry in it, just remember it, move on, and make sure tomorrow is better from that experience.
I wish business wise there were people out there willing to push hard, meaning those close to me that I don’t already work with. Someone to help motivate myself as well. I am becoming tired these days, and stress continues to take its toll, but I need to find a way to become accomplished and move forward. The rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer. It sucks to see things that way, and I wish someone would honestly want to do something about it.