I think too much sometimes, or perhaps I simply over think things. I thought about looking up quotes, sites, and other resources to plug into this blog post to make it seem more relevant than me simply writing my thoughts. Sometimes, I tend to forget that this url, this blog belongs to myself, and its meant for reading my personal thoughts if people wish to do so. For years I had used this sort of blog as a more professional, design/code sort of box to house what I wanted people to see. I am starting to think thats all I wanted people to see, because I don’t know how they would feel about other things I would have to say, other things that I’ve experienced.
So here it goes.
The shaved head, tatooed, goatee sporting guy that you know once loved wearing his socks up to his knees, envisioning himself playing basketball and shooting 3-pointers like Michael Cooper on the Lakers. I did well when I was younger, I loved playing team sports, it made me feel invigorated and I loved competition. However, my socks were too high, I looked goofy wearing them that way apparently, and wouldn’t be viewed well in other’s eyes. That was my earliest memory of being poked at repeatedly for my appearance.
I didn’t understand it til too long ago, because I honestly try to never think about feeling sorry for myself, but I was bullied. Perhaps maybe not as long, or as harmed as much as other had been, however, I still remember it. I was going to post details of it here, but I don’t think I will attempt to. What happened no longer matters, but it occurred essentially during my middle school to early high school years.
I know it impacted me because it still bothers me today, as to why I didn’t stand up more for myself, or as to why those who were supposed to have been protecting me (school officials, especially in a Christian school setting), simply brushed my situation off as others just needing to get along with me. Everyone has been mistreated at one point or another, however, these years during my Christian middle school years, and some situations with relatives stick with me the most in turning points in my life, and how they have shaped my attitude.
The physical confrontations I had to face, to the constant blasphemous words that would be spewed in my direction for things that I felt I couldn’t control, to having to call my parents and pretend I was simply sick so I needed to leave school, it all began to shape how I view others. To this day I don’t think any of the school officials will remember brushing those issues off, and I don’t think my own parents even know the true story. It is going to stay buried.
I’m going to stop there, simply because there are others out there that need words of strength, then for you, the audience, to hear of my whining of the past. Too my little family member whom is having issues with bullies, stay strong. Keep working hard, and allow your talent be your guide to success. As an example I have always used negative things that have happened to me as adrenaline, as drive to push me forward. As long as it does not make your a bitter person, embrace negativity to help bring you to something positive without any lasting thoughts of hate, and leave all of those bullies behind.